Good morning! The month of July was a blur with taking care of my father, who passed away on July 25th, on his 95th birthday. He had a long and full life, and my two sisters and I were with him on his final journey. No matter the age, the last farewell is the hardest and I have been in a fog since then. My sympathies to all of you who have traveled this path. Tonight I leave for Europe for 3 weeks and although it’s hard to feel excited about the trip, I know that it will be a good distraction.
This email is long, to make up for the weeks of past and future absence! I found the Digital Defenders session on how to talk to people very powerful. Instead of just a link, I’m pasting the information here so you can refer to it later. The first section is how to change our vocabulary.
The second is a chart of possible responses to statements. Take your time reading through the suggestions. Our vocabulary will not change instantly but if we connect the reasoning to the words, they will “stick” better. Enjoy the rest of August – Betty
Language To Avoid When Talking About Abortion
- Avoid the phrase “pro-life”
Why? Those who oppose the right to abortion are usually referred to as “pro-life.” This is not only contradictory but gives power to their false opinion that to be for abortion is to be against life.
Alternative: “anti-choice” or “anti-abortion – This language is a more accurate description of what the opposition is against. If they were truly “pro-life” they would also care about the life of the pregnant person.
- Avoid the phrase “late term abortion”
Why? The word “late” suggests that the pregnant person is irresponsible for having the abortion at the time that they did. Many factors play a part in the timing, one of the most important being access to care. Also, the phrase “late term abortion” is not medically accurate and was made up by anti-abortion extremists to turn us against people who need care later in their pregnancy. It’s an intentionally harmful term and we all have a role to play in fighting this stigma and anti-choice propaganda.
Alternative: “abortion later in pregnancy”
- Avoid the imagery of coathangers
Why? we do not want to accidentally re-enforce the Right Wing talking points that self-managed abortions are dangerous, scary and harmful.
Alternative: promote the safety of self-managed abortion
- Avoid the Handmaid’s Tale imagery
Why? The use of Handmaid’s Tale imagery to characterize the controlling of women’s reproduction has proliferated, primarily by white women across the country, since the show has gained popularity. This message continues to create more fragmentation, often around race and class, because it erases the fact that Black women, undocumented women, incarcerated women, poor women, disabled women have always had their reproduction controlled in this country its not some dystopic future or past. This is just a heightened attack. For this reason, we cannot associate with actions or posts that participate in Handmaid’s Tale imagery or language, as it is not aligned with the our values.
Alternative: center pregnant people’s stories and research history of reproductive control targeting disenfranchised people
- Avoid comparing the current reproductive landscape to “slavery”
Why? Abortion bans deny many people bodily autonomy but the current reproductive landscape is not slavery or the same as the United States’ brutal history of slavery
Alternative: you can recognize the dehumanization of abortion bans
- Avoid the call for an “underground railroad”
Why? Networks for abortion care already exist and the comparison to the actual underground railroad is inappropriate.
Alternative: Post links to donate to local abortion funds
- Avoid the phrase “heartbeat bill”
What is that? These bills ban abortion after 6 weeks. Texas’ recent abortion ban SB 8, which went into effect September 1, is an example of one of these bills. Louisiana, Georgia, Alabama, and other states have also passed such bills, but they are currently not in effect.
Why? An embryo does not have a heartbeat at 6 weeks. To call this ban a “heartbeat bill” is not only medically inaccurate but reinforces negative stigma. In addition, many people don’t even know they are pregnant at this point, so in effect, this acts as a total ban.
Alternative: “6-week ban,” “abortion ban”
Responses To Anti-Abortion Comments
| COMMENT | VALUE | RESPONSE |
| SCOTUS striking down Roe, laws are made to protect us | Agency
Personal Freedom |
Everyone should be able to plan their families without barriers, fears, or political interference.
___ SCOTUS doesn’t understand that one-size-fits-all laws simply don’t work. People make very different choices about their bodies, and it makes more sense to let them make their own choices when it comes to medical decisions. ___ This is only the beginning. Anti-abortion politicians want to make abortion a crime everywhere. Doctors who perform abortions will go to jail. Birth control pills could be made illegal in some states. |
| So it’s my body my choice until I don’t want to wear a mask, or get a vaccine right? | Agency
Personal Freedom |
COVID is a virus with the potential to kill others. And yet, there are no laws criminalizing people for choosing not to be vaccinated. No one should be criminalized for their personal healthcare choices, including accessing abortion care. |
| Why don’t you just use contraceptives? There’s no reason to have an unplanned pregnancy in this day and age. They’re free! You’re just advocating for irresponsible sex. | Health
Well-being Care |
There are many reasons a woman might need an abortion, all of them deeply personal to her and her family.
___ Read this: Here’s an American study that shows half of abortion-seeking patients reported using contraception when they became pregnant: https://www.guttmacher.org/news-release/2018/about-half-us-abortion-patients-report-using-contraception-month-they-became ___ Not everyone has health insurance. CAP found that the potential annual cost for birth control pills is $1,210 without health insurance. ___ Some women have to cut corners like skipping pills, delaying prescriptions, adopting a one-month-on, one-month-off when taking the pill. Plus, 25% of women who struggle financially are forced to take such measures; among women with financial stability, the rate is roughly one in seventeen. ___ The most effective birth controls like hormonal implants and IUDs are so expensive. How do you expect the average person to afford this? |
| If you’re not ready to have a kid, don’t have sex (or some version of “keep your legs closed”). | Dignity
Agency |
It’s not the government’s place to judge how or why people have sex.
___ Have you ever had sex? Sex can be fun and pleasurable, and people are allowed to have it for reasons other than making babies. ___ We don’t need to judge folks for their sex lives. And their sex lives have nothing to do with our right to have safe abortions. Controlling people’s most private behavior robs us of our humanity and dignity. |
| Abortion is unsafe/a risky procedure and you should not be advertising it as otherwise. | Healthcare | Actually, abortion is super safe!! Colonoscopies, wisdom teeth extractions, or getting your tonsils out are way more dangerous. And childbirth is the most risky! So if you’re concerned with women’s health we’re all good! |
| Abortion should not be used as a form of “birth control” (or some version of “you shouldn’t be allowed to have multiple abortions”). | We should trust people to know what’s best for them and don’t judge the reasons why someone decides to get an abortion. Abortion anytime, for any reason.
___ Abortions happen every day. They’re totally normal and part of health care. Abortions save lives and are safer than giving birth. ___ People should have access to the care they need. There are many reasons a woman might need an abortion, all of them deeply personal to her and her family. |
|
| Abortion is only okay if you were raped. | All you’re saying is that a person should be punished with an unwanted child if they had sex for pleasure, but only if they’re raped do they get a choice.
___ No one should have to justify their private healthcare decisions to politicians. We should respect people’s freedom to decide, not force them to prove that they went through a traumatic experience like rape to get an abortion. ___ Politicians should not have any say in telling someone what they can do with their bodies, lives, and futures. |
|
| Abortion is racist. | Justice | Efforts to control Black women’s bodies are rooted in white supremacy. Black women should be able to make parenting and pregnancy decisions that are best for them so they can thrive. Abortion is a way to do that.
___ People of color tend not to get proper healthcare unless they are very rich because of racism and structural inequality. As a result, their kids don’t get the best care at birth. They die in infancy more often. These laws restricting access to abortion care are another way of oppressing poor Black and Brown people. ___ About 8 in 10 Black women didn’t want Roe v. Wade overturned. 85% would give support to a loved one who decided to have an abortion. Please Share. Protect Roe. Protect #SomeoneYouLove. |
| You are a murderer. | This is a troll | Do not respond/engage |
| God is against abortions. | A loving God would understand. Faith calls me to walk with women and families as they make these decisions.
___ Actually, a lot of people of faith would disagree with you. Catholics for Choice, National Council of Jewish Women, and Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice. Everyone has the right to their autonomy and to make their own moral and faith-informed decisions about their bodies, lives, and families. ____ There are a lot of people of faith who believe that abortion is a sacred decision. The decision to have an abortion should be guided by their own faith, family, and future, not controlled by politicians and cruel anti-abortion agendas. People of faith are advocating for abortion access in Teas: https://www.lilithfund.org/blessing/ ____ I was raised with the values that we should have a just society, we should have a fair society, and that we should help those particularly those most in need. |
|
| God wants you to have this baby no matter how you got pregnant. | God’s love is with her the entire time.
____ We should be offering compassion, care, and spiritual support. ____ As part of recognizing that God’s love is constant, we have to remember that everybody’s path looks a little different and that there’s room for God to love us in our differences and our paths.” ____ Actually, people of all religions use birth control and have abortions. Check this out: https://www.guttmacher.org/article/2020/10/people-all-religions-use-birth-control-and-have-abortions |
|
| I/ my friend/ someone I heard about regret(s) their abortion. | All feelings after an abortion are valid but lot of women have abortions, and most of them feel relieved afterward. A study by UC San Francisco School of Medicine found that over 95% of US women surveyed didn’t regret their abortions. Three years out, they knew their abortion had been the right decision for them.
___ People who have abortions sometimes feel sad afterward because of the pressure they get from society and the stigma around abortion. We should focus on helping women by giving them space to share their feelings. Not be judged. ___ If you are feeling shame or guilt about your abortion here are some great resources: |
|
| When someone says they chose not to have an abortion and they are happy they didn’t. | Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you had the choice to make the decision that was best for you. I wouldn’t take that choice away from someone else. | |
| What if a father does not want to keep the child, but the mother does? Why does he have to pay child support? Seems like a double standard. | Bodily. Auotonomy. The person carrying the pregnancy is the only one to have a say over whether the pregnancy continues. It is their right to make the decision that’s best for them.
___ This is a straw man argument – a hypothetical situation that centers the man, rather than the person who will actually bear the child. |
|
| It’s selfish of you to want an abortion. There are so many couples that can’t conceive and would love to adopt your baby. Why don’t you just put it up for adoption? | Dignity
Personal freedom |
Yeah they have options like parenting, adoption, or abortion. But some people don’t want to or can’t physically carry a pregnancy to term.
____ Adoption is NOT the catch-all solution for unwanted pregnancies. It’s not an alternative to abortion, it’s an alternative to having biological children. ____ Women shouldn’t have to give birth to babies they don’t want. It’s not selfish to value your bodily autonomy and dignity. ____ So you think the only reason a person would want to end their pregnancy is to avoid raising a child? What about their health when pregnant? What about how expensive giving birth is? What about the cost of prenatal care? What about how dangerous childbirth is? ___ You’re forgetting how broken the child welfare system is. There are 690,000 children in foster care (Source: Foster America). You’re not really “pro-life,” you’re just pro-birth. If you were pro-life you would care about what happens after the baby is born. |
| I don’t think abortion should be allowed if there’s a heartbeat. | Anyone saying this is trying to spread medical misinforamtion. Ultrasound technology can detect a flutter in fetal cells before you even realize you are pregnant, make an appointment, collect money for the procedure, OR have an abortion.
___ Here’s a couple of articles that talk more about why such restrictions are harmful https://www.commondreams.org/news/2019/06/05/dont-call-latest-abortion-bans-heartbeat-bills-doctors-say-warning-medically |
|
| If a fetus is not a person, why are murderers charged with a double homicide when a pregnant person is killed? | Personal freedom | These laws were actually made by anti-abortion advocates so instead of protecting pregnancy, they prosecute women who have miscarriages or self-manage their abortion. Take a look at this: https://www.ifwhenhow.org/resources/making-abortion-a-crime-again/ |
| What if your mother had aborted you? Funny how all people who are pro-abortion have already been born. Har har. | When people are able to make the best decisions for their families and communities, their families thrive and we build communities where each of us can participate with dignity. | |
| Do you support allowing abortions up until birth? | People should be able to make whatever decision is best for them. I am pro-choice because I don’t believe I should be making that decision for someone else, and neither should you.
___ Every person is the expert on their life and their community and their needs. Our rights aren’t up for debate. Me, you, or politicians have no say as to when the right time is. ___ If #SomeoneYouLove needs an abortion someday, wouldn’t you want them to be treated with compassion and receive the care they need? |
|
| How can you people support abortion in the second and third trimesters? | Care
Compassion |
Just a reminder, it’s not always possible to get an abortion as soon as someone decides to end their pregnancy. Sometimes it’s too expensive, they might have to travel far away, or take time off work. New issues can arise later in the pregnancy. It’s done this way on purpose to make abortion difficult.
___ Any doctor could tell you that every pregnancy is different. One-size-fits-all bans stop doctors from providing the best individualized care. ____ Hey! I suggest reading a but on medical experts and peope who’ve needed abortion care through their pregnancies: https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-body/pregnancy-health/theres-no-such-thing-as-late-term-abortion-here-are-the-facts/ |
| I don’t want my tax-payer dollars to fund abortions. | Healthcare | Our healthcare system doesn’t really use federal funds for abortions. 34 states and D.C. don’t even cover abortion with state Medicaid. |
| People who get abortions should be punished. | Care
Compassion |
Anti-abortion extremists want to make it illegal to have an abortion or help someone else get one. They don’t really care about the people who are hurt by this. They just want to control women.
___ Anti-abortion politicians/ extremists have passed hundreds of abortion restrictions. Their goal is to make us afraid to seek the care we need. Science and justice are on our side. We will keep fighting so that no one will be punished for needing an abortion. ___ Punishing us is just to to control our bodies, lives, and futures. Their real goal is to make us afraid to seek the care we need. You don’t care about us or babies. |
| Doctors who perform abortions should be thrown in jail. | Care
Compassion |
Anti-abortion lawmakers punish doctors and shut down abortion clinics. They want to make it even harder for doctors to help pregnant women by making it a crime to do so. We should support it instead, by providing information and building a network of support.
___ Anti-choice politicians want to punish doctors who provide abortions. Instead of punishing healthcare professionals, we should give pregnant women information and support so they can get the care they need. |
| It’s easy to get an abortion. You’re overreacting. | Since 2010, there have been 450+ laws passed by anti-choice politicians that are designed to end abortion. They include things like banning abortion, shutting down clinics, insurance bans, and limiting who can perform abortions. | |
| Are people supposed to have abortions whenever they want? | The World We Want to create | Yes! Why wouldn’t we want to live in a world where people respect other people’s parenting/pregnancy decisions?
___ I want people to have the freedom and empowerment to decide when they want to become parents, whether they are ready or not. I don’t think they should be judged or shamed if they can’t afford it. ___ I don’t think its crazy to want a world where each of us can dream our best life and we would have the freedom to live it, as well. People would feel empowered, and there would be less judgment, less stigma, and less shame regarding abortion. |
| States’ rights/ state- based laws | Recent polling data shows only 15% of South Carolinians believe that abortion care should be banned in our state.
https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/state-facts-about-abortion-south-carolina ___ Mississippi voters had the opportunity to vote on an anti-abortion initiative and they voted NO. The state government is not following the will of the people. ___ The people passing these laws usually don’t care what happens to babies after they’re born. These are the same politicians who want to cut assistance programs like early childhood education or food stamps. |