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A Magazine for Breast Cancer Survivors

Breast Cancer Babby

WORDS BY

Elizabeth Reed

Image by Markus Winkler

As breast cancer survivors know, the trauma and treatment for breast cancer leaves little room for humor. To bring a bit of  sparkle into the lives of women affected by this very not-funny disease I have partnered with a toy manufacturer to release a new doll — Breast Cancer Babby!

BCB comes with three fashionable wigs, head caps and pink headbands. Choose a wig!

  • Deep black Goth wigs with micro fringe
  • 1950s bouffant style with teasing comb
  • Contemporary cuts in blazing brunette, racy redhead, or my personal favorite — provocative platinum blonde

Also available: wipe-off pencils to draw missing hairlines and eyebrows in matching wig colors.

 

Need ink? Choose a tattoo design for radiation treatments!

  • Temporary tattoos featuring fun designs such as ☺♥
  • Adult tattoo package includes positive phrases such as YOLO and WTF?

Hospital wardrobe consists of tailored sweat- pants, a fuzzy bathrobe, and three johnnies. Choose a johnny!

  • A midriff johnny that displays her pierced belly button
  • A johnny that recreates an authentic hospital experience by exposing BCB’s rear end
  • A soft flannel wrap-around johnny with ribbons that tie in front that would be the envy of any patient

Note: Hospital set sold separately.

 

A portable IV pole can be connected to BCB’s built-in neck port so that she can walk the hospital halls with her usual perky energy. Choose from the following IV bags!

  • Fruity punch
  • Apple juice
  • Vodka (adults only)

BCB comes with her own hospital tray. Choose a breakfast!

  • A cup of coffee labeled with possible side effects: instant nausea, diarrhea, or both
  • A cardboard piece of toast because that’s what it tastes like
  • A bottle of wine infused with metal because that’s what it tastes like

(Adults only)

BCB’s lingerie selections include pocketed lace bras in three colors: pastel pink, neon pink, and glow-in-the-dark pink. Select BCB’s implants!

  • Modest mounds for the office
  • Push-ups for hot dates
  • Bouncy bikini bombs for the beach

Press a button on BCB’s foot and she will heat up from her toes to her head just like a hot flash.

  • A small hand fan is included

Press BCB’s pierced belly button and she talks!

  • “I love my new wig. But it needs a trim. Want to help me cut it?” (Child-safety scissors included)
  • “I think I need a new wig. Do you want to go to the wig store?”

Note: Wig store sold separately.

 

BCB has a personal collection of signs to place on her bedroom* door. Choose a sign!

Please do not disturb! I am. . .

  • resting
  • meditating
  • reading trashy romances

Adult BCB has real-mood signs:

  • Leave me alone
  • I’m pissed off
  • I’m hungover

Please note: consumer must be eighteen years of age to purchase adult item.*Bedroom set is not included. Climate-Change Babby (limited edition sold during apocalypses) suggests recycling her teenage bedroom set, because, hey, it’s already pink.